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_Do you know that feeling that someone is looking at you, even if you are alone at home? Like there would be someone or something watching you and judge what you are doing? Now we can get deeply into a psychoanalytical perspective about where this feeling could have its origin deep down in myself, or far back in my past. But, for my story it is now enough to say that my feeling of being watched probably has a lot to do with self-pressure; with my own critical view on myself. Maybe you can relate to that feeling, or maybe not, or you would describe it totally different.

For me this feeling can define how I am treating myself, also knowing that I would never treat others that way, but still, maybe it’s irrational, I can be very mean to myself.
So where does that come from? I think, from the beginning on we learn [I am writing out of a white, female and western position] how to compare us with one another. I went to school in Germany and in almost every situation one is put on display sensing the gaze of the others. The huuuge expectations of others, that are again based on expectations they have been under generations or situations before. We grow up in a society in which we define ourselves through the other. When they win, one is worse; when they lose, one is better. And we are conditioned to be better. One must conform to a certain image, based on values and norms in certain forms of society. And this gaze from the outside world will never go away as we are actually in this world. Others will always stare at us, and we will stare at others. This defines our being-in-the-world. How we act and behave towards ourselves and towards others. Never ending story. So, I started to think about gazes, their mechanisms and how they influence our collective being-in-the-world.

power (+knowledge).
control.

_Once I was in the subway in Vienna and a woman somehow looked so angry at me. I wondered the whole day what I did wrong and felt very unsure about everything.

hierarchy.
power imbalance.
looking down.
feeling ashamed.
why?
rules and norms.
who can look?
who can gaze?
who tries to avoid eye contact?

hugh hefner and playboy.
sexual pleasure.

deana lawson and arthur jafa.

collective gaze.
public gaze.
shoegaze.

my bloody valentine.

social aspect of visibility.
seeking for visibility.

keeping up with the kardashians.

look.
view.
glance.
stare.
fixed stare = gaze?
eye contact.

lygia clark,
óculos (goggles).

two eyes.

_Recently I walked home from friends. It was around 1am. In some streets are many people, in others no one. I always choose streets where people are around, where lanterns are on. I listen to music to feel stronger. I walk fast, look around me, to notice who is around me. I am attentive to who is walking behind me, next to me, in front of me. I am trying to avoid eye contact, but still, I want to look around me to feel safe. So, at one point my eyes meet the eyes of a person on a bike on the street. I continue walking. Try to think nothing. That’s just a person on a bike. Two streets further the same person on the bike. I realise I have been noticed. I try to ignore. Continue walking. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I am almost at home.
The person stops in front of me with the bike. Hi, it’s Marc. How are you? I try to continue walking. Not possible, the Marc is in front of me. His gaze on me makes me feel uncomfortable. I say hi back. Try to think simultaneously and fast, how I can get out of the situation. Marc says he has noticed me on the way two times before. So… he must have followed me. Marc says he wants to go to Ponyhof [a club in Vienna]. I tell him in which direction Ponyhof is. He askes, if I want to join, i say no. I am on my way home. Marc is actually a nice creep and says alright. It was nice to meet you. I say bye. I go home. On my way, I am thinking about what has made me feel so uncomfortable. Marc could also just be a nice person who has noticed me. Who wants to get to know me. Just wants to get into a conversation. So, what made me feel so unsafe? When are personal borders crossed? I think what I found simply terrifying was that a single eye contact from me was enough to make him want to follow me. And then his look at me. All together simply transgressive.

male gaze.
voyeurism.
objects of desire.

jr's eyes.
in what eye do you look while talking to someone?
social communication.

foucaults panopticon.
surveillance.
cameras.

_In Taipeh, Taiwan, there are cameras all around; decided on democratically. Citizens want the cameras to feel safe. One could also walk alone home at night, feeling safe.

barcelona ohla hotel.
mobile phone cameras.

_I was once in the subway and a person was in front of me holding the phone camera in my direction. I felt so watched. Even I did not know if I was filmed at all. But already the presence of the camera made me feel watched.

female gaze.
the imperial/colonial gaze.

potential of a gaze.
art.
gaze of the artist.

montagne sainte-victoire,
paul cézanne.

gaze of the perceiver.

rené magritte,
the human condition
what do you see?
what emotions does it evoke?
melancholy.
edward hopper,
rooms by the sea.

aesthetics.
sensory perception.
knowledge production.

mönch am meer,
caspar david friedrich.
psychoanalysis.

leonora carrington,
map of down below.
surrealism.

die versuchung des heiligen antonius,
max ernst.

gaze of the depicted.

manets olympia.
emotiones evoked through the eyes.

prisoner,
peter lindbergh.
staring at himself, and being filmed.
intimate.

feeling of vulnerability.
task: stare at one another
-what happens?

marina abramovic,
the artist is present.

_My partner struggles to look straight into other people‘s eyes - especially to keep eye contact for a longer while. He knows that this is important and he tries, but it is challenging. Sometimes we practice gazing at each other without breaking eye contact. I think it is important for a partnership to be able to look into each other‘s eyes, to connect with each other. Because he has such difficulties, he often wears sunglasses. One day his grandma came for visit and told him: when you talk to me you take down those sunnies! How damn right she is.
I know eye contact is not everybody’s thing precisely because it‘s not always easy, it can be quite revealing and unpleasant („I SEE you“). On the other hand, it is a sign of respect and appreciation („I see YOU“). In fact, I have experienced people reaching out to me to tell me how much they like that I look in their eyes while having a conversation.

challenge the way we look at the world.
as a function to position ourselves in the world.

jacques lacan: the mirror state
sense of identity and self-perception.

only in the meeting of the face and the gaze we exist for each other.
the gaze belongs rather to the object.
„I can feel myself under the gaze of someone whose eyes I do not see, not even discern.“

jean-paul sartre: passive state of „being looked-at“.
external gaze that can limit to define oneself.

judgmental gaze.

_My new haircut [buzzcut] does not even deviate that much from the norm. But still, I feel that people are looking at me differently.

what is this silently-and-generally-agreed-on norm?
expectations and interpretation of others.

how (in-)visible do you want to be in public sphere?

„der blick in die seele“
staring into the soul.

do you notice when someone is lying? can you notice it in their eyes?
Where do you look, when you are lying?

stanley kubrick,
eyes wide shut.

understanding of ourselves reflected in others.
the ignoring gaze.
pretending someone is not there.

_Once in a class at university, there was a professor who was mad at me because of anything. In a conversation with him and two others, he did not once look at me. His ignoring me by not giving me any look, really made me feel bad.

feeling of being left out.
of being overseen.

_In the subway in Berlin a person entered the ringbahn asking for money, food or water. His speech was very touching as he reacted to sayings some others must have argued against him. He said that if no one would have money, food, or water, he would also be very happy about a single eye contact: I also appreciate a glance, it doesn't cost anything and makes me feel noticed, especially when all other gazes avoid me.

not existing civil courage.
pretending not to see.

_I was sitting in a four-person compartment in a train next to a man. I noticed that he was sometimes looking into my direction, making me feel uncomfortable. Suddenly, he was leaning over me, touching me. I was telling him, he shall stop. I thought I have to say that louder so that others here me. So that he feels watched and stops. He stopped, but no one helped me, or interrupted him. I stood up. Just get away from him. I was looking for another space to sit. I found one in another four-person compartment with two young girls. I was directly starting to cry. I was so overwhelmed. The girls tried to console me. The rest of the train ride was horrible. The days after I still had to think about it. I talked with friends. In reflection, I think what shocked me the most was that no one was reacting to the man who harassed me. Everyone was pretending not to see. In what kind of society do we live, when no one is helping one another in such situations?

ricardo simonetti
“I stopped taking the subway because I was constantly being harassed there.”

looking down in the subway.
no eye contact.

_I have a friend who is blind. While looking into nothingness [for him], it happens that he stares at others. And once or twice a month it happens that people ask him what he is staring at.

You also want your story to be shared? Thank you!
You can send it to collectivestories123@gmail.com.
It will be treated anonymously :)

_collectivestories is an ongoing collection of a multitude of stories that deal with various kinds of gazes many of us (must) experience in daily life. Starting as an artistic project, different stories have been collected over several months, and are retold on this platform. In the process of sharing, collecting and retelling, diverse and versatile intersections between the stories became visible. Combined with prompts and visual associations that came to mind spontaneously while gathering these stories and sharing them publically via this platform, _collectivestories aims to open a discourse and dialogue about how we look at one another can determine our relational behavior towards one another, and towards ourselves.